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Friday, December 4, 2009

OSHA to Regulate Pole Dancing Industry

Washington, D.C., December 4, 2009.

The U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) today announced sweeping changes in how the burgeoning Pole Dancing Industry will be regulated. According to a press release issued today, the Administrator of OSHA stated that this industry, which uses scantily clad women often with long flowing tresses, presents an occupational hazard to performer and patron alike. It has been known for some time that the centrifugal force of 110 pound bodies swinging wildly on brass poles exerts an unacceptable risk of elbow and upper arm muscle injury. The often climatic sliding toward the audience on the dancer's knees can cause knee injuries requiring extensive arthroscopic repair. In addition, the occasional accidental release of twirling bodies can lead to unintended 110 pound projectiles being hurled into unsuspecting audiences of often alcohol impaired individuals.

As a result, the Administrator of OSHA has promulgated strict regulations as to the many safety measures that must be followed by workers in this industry. OSHA inspectors will be fanning out into every sleazy bar and "gentlemen's" club to assure that these regulations are enforced. Violators will be subject to fines of $50,000 and prison of up to five years for every performance.

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